I like the sound of the term "holding space", but what does it mean?

Pet lovers may understand this analogy better than those who are not quite so infatuated with the furry, feathery, slithery creatures...
Have you ever sat down with a pet and vented about your day?  The animal sits still. It allows you to pet it. It seems to have excellent listening skills and it doesn't respond back with criticisms or solutions.
It allows you to let go and be what you need to be in that moment.  It holds space for you.

When you hold space for someone else (a friend, a loved one, a stranger) you allow another human energy to have his/her own experience as they need to have it.  You sit from a place of compassion and availability. There cannot be judgment when we hold space;  there can only  be "be"-ing.  Your heart opens in whatever capacity is needed.  It might mean listening and simply nodding.  It might mean watching...sitting...pausing.

"Often the hardest thing about holding space is that it can feel like you are doing nothing."

Holding space is a generous non-ego moment of gifting your energy to someone else.

Holding Space
Quietly sitting beside me
you steadily breathe
inhale after exhale
no sharp intakes of judgment
or wistful releases of pity,
You sit.
Your heart openly reaches for mine
listening
to whatever spills
out of my mouth,
your stillness
grants me
my own experience.
I am free yet lovingly confined
by your presence
permitted
to be mad, sad, upset,
disappointed, happy, ecstatic, angry,
depressed, volatile,
light, dark, sparkly
you offer me this
by simply
holding my space.

"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you."  ~Maori Proverb

Savitri Palkhivala is a meditation master who teaches methods that she, herself, found helpful in dealing with major life events.  " When she was 11 she had a serious head injury, and as a teenager she suddenly lost both her parents in one of the worst aviation disasters in history. A few years later she experienced the shocking murder of her sister and the death of her best friend. This led to life threatening illnesses and many near-death experiences."  (http://www.aadil.com/savitri/).
I was fortunate to sit in her meditation workshop while at a yoga conference in Seattle. One of the many techniques she taught that day was a meditation technique to open the heart chakra, what Savitri refers to as the "doorway to soul".

You simply draw a line across your chest from the top of both armpits to find your heart center.  Close your eyes and massage this point with your middle finger.  Perhaps you mentally add on Savitri's affirmation, "I choose to go deep inside to discover my true Divine Self as Light and Love."
Then, bring your fingers to a point at this same spot as though your fingers were a closed flower; fingers all coming together at your heart center. As you inhale, allow your fingers to stay in contact with your body as you open the fingers and let them spread out across your chest. On the exhale, fingers pull back together as your hand moves a few inches away from your body.  See your inner light spreading throughout your body.

Affirmation: "I gratefully accept the light and pay it forward."

I am not really the type of person who gets offended easily. I may not like something someone says or does as it pertains to me, but I do not usually take offense.  I don't even like the word because it seems everyone takes offense to something these days. Dictionary.com defines offended as " to cause resentful displeasure; irritate, annoy, or anger".  And, wow, was I all of those things last night!

Thank goodness it was late and I was too tired to retort back in any type of fashion. This morning, as I sit here applying my yoga tools to the situation, I have had to evaluate if action on my part equates to change in what I perceive as someone else's ignorance. And the answer is definitively no.  Many of my yoga themes talk about choice.  We can choose to have a good day, we can choose to hang on to or release anger... Most importantly, is that we can choose our reactions.  I chose to be mad last night. And what happened as a result is a comment played over and over in my head like a VCR stuck on a movie clip. And each time it replayed, I got more and more upset. I thought of responses and reactions but none of them made me feel any better. I finally went to sleep.

This morning, I choose to not be offended. I choose to reclaim my energy. I choose to continue on my path and let those who have judgmental and offensive comments to make continue on their path. 

There are a lot of quotes and opinions on the Internet about being offended. They range from get over it to give it right back. It is our responsibility to draw upon the tools we have and take responsibility for our reactions and ensuing actions.

“You may not be able to do anything about how you feel; but you can do something about how you act. People will definitely offend you willing or unwilling by their words and actions...but you can choose to let that offence sink you down or not....”   ― Israelmore Ayivor

When you are not feeling well, you have more time to lay around and watch TV and you suddenly become attached to shows you didn't even know existed before!  While in my hotel room in Seattle, I started watching a PBS type program by Dr. Daniel Amen about his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life." I found it so mesmerizing, I ordered the book on my phone that moment.

Dr. Amen studies brain scans. Not scans like MRI's that show physical elements of the brain but scans that show activity level and surface pictures. He was able to determine that diagnoses' like depression, anger, anxiety, head trauma all show significant holes, if you will, in the appearance of the brain. He uses these scans to help people stop guessing what medicines they should be on and, instead, improve their brain health. He has proven it is possible to increase the health and function of the brain.  He helps people do this via supplements, diet, brain challenges, meditation, positive thinking and sometimes, medication.

I stumbled across his TV show after it had started and he kept referring to ants!  Kill the ants, he would say. When the book arrived, I finally understood that ants was an acronym for automatic negative thinking.  In my yoga classes, we practice positive affirmations.  We practice them because they do not seem to come naturally to our ego driven negative mind.  Remember, saying I do not want to be angry any more is not positively worded!  Say instead, I am more patient.  Dr. Amen says, "notice what you like about people more than what you don't".  Let's refer to this as a positive action versus affirmation.  It is sad, but true, that we will probably have to work harder to find more likes than dislikes but it is essential. 

Dr. Amen also stated, "It is not true that it takes two to make things better."  Think about that for a moment.  If I am focused on what I don't like about someone, isn't it true that I am probably sending out a different energy/attitude than if I focused on what I like?  And if I am focused on the like's, the other person senses that and is happier/nicer, perhaps?  Can't I, in essence, alter someone's mood and behavior by redirecting mine?

"The human brain has 100 billion neurons, each neuron connected to 10 thousand other neurons. Sitting on your shoulders is the most complicated object in the known universe." Michio Kaku

"Virtually everywhere we go, someone is tempting us with bad food that will kill us early, putting toxic thoughts in our minds by pushing us to watch horrific news events over and over, or working to addict us to the latest gadgets that interfere with our relationships. To achieve optimal mental performance, we have to have the mind-set of a brain warrior." Dr. Amen

These are the readings from Monday night's "bedtime" yoga class!

Sleeping in the Forest
I thought the earth remembered me,
she took me back so tenderly,
arranging her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds.
I slept as never before, a stone on the river bed,
nothing between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated light as moths
among the branches of the perfect trees.
All night I heard the small kingdoms
breathing around me, the insects,
and the birds who do their work in the darkness.
All night I rose and fell, as if in water,
grappling with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.
~Mary Oliver ~


The invitation
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming