 "When you breathe into your fear, it becomes an adventure." Sonia Choquette
Fear holds you back. You know how when you put on a seatbelt and the driver hits the brake and you feel the seatbelt lock in and there is no place to move? That is Fear. Fear wraps you in its illusory arms. Fear says stay back with me and I will protect you. What it really means is stay back with me so I can hold you back. When you decide to breathe into fear, you make the choice to surge forward, to clip the binding seatbelt! After all, adventures are about moving forward, aren't they? Let's talk airplanes. I am not afraid to fly but I do not like the roller coaster feeling in my stomach when I anticipate the landing. I have found that if I breathe as deeply as I can when the landing is close, the breathing shifts my focus and I do not get the roller coaster feeling when the wheels touch down. If I am focused on my breath, especially the long exhales, there is no room in my mind to anticipate, to guess, when the landing will occur. See, guessing is an issue. If we make a guess how something will turn out, we stifle the adventure. In fact, there is no adventure to be stifled. Guessing plays the If Game. If this happens, I will... If this happens, I will... What if none of that happens? What if you surrender to the outcome? Fear is simply hanging out with you because you have not released your "control" (which you don't have, by the way) over the outcome. Sonia says, "Keep moving into the unknown." The great aspect of our earthly path is that we have free will. You can decide to stay put cowering behind fear and that is okay because that is your choice. You can totally play victim to Fear if you want to. No one else should have a problem with that because it is none of their business...as long as you don't mind. But know that Sonia says there is only one power in the Universe and that is Decision. Once you make the decision to move forward, everything will fall into place. Time for a Zen story: "According to an ancient Indian fable, a mouse was in constant distress because of its fear of the cat. A magician took pity on it and turned it into a cat. But then it became afraid of the dog. So the magician turned it into a dog. Then it began to fear the panther. So the magician turned it into a panther. Whereupon it was full of fear for the hunter. At this point the magician gave up, and turned it into a mouse again saying, "Nothing I do for you is going to be of any help because you have the heart of a mouse." How about you? (By the way, in class today we blasted "I Will Survive" and sang along because when you decide to give up fear, you will survive and your adventure takes off! You can buckle your seatbelt to that!!!)
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 "Origin" by Alyson Hallett, The Stone Library
"She continues walking through the woods until it seems more accurate to say the woods are walking through her -" We come to our yoga mats for the first time and we are scared because we don't know the poses and the poses do not know us. And if we cannot shape our bodies into these strange forms, does that mean we fail? But, something about the practice, or maybe it's all svasana, something says do it again, do it again...and we do. Eventually, the poses become recognizable acquaintances that we acknowledge. And then, eventually again, the poses become so familiar we are the poses and they are us. I say, 'she continues moving on her mat until it seems more accurate to say the poses are moving through her-'. "green leaves turning, autumn sun streaming through gaps in the trees. Persistent as air, persistent as soil -" Challenges greet us each time on our mats yet we persist. It's like those little specks of sunlight through the tree's leaves are glimpses of hope that encourage us to keep going, keep trying. Even as we age, entering our own autumnal phase, our physical bodies begin to offer up the challenges rather than the mat itself. But we are , 'as persistent as air, as persistent as soil.' this intermingling of person and thing. She comes to rest in Paradise Bottom, sits beneath a beech by the shore of a pond. On the mat, our body begins to intermingle with the breath to help focus the mind on what is important, the now. 'We come to rest, seated in stillness, our mind the calm surface of a pond.' Light softens. The gift of shade, chiaroscuro, stone ledges braided with flickering seams. Dragonflies skittle brief new bodies in and out Like the dragonfly, we skittle about in our brief bodies. key-a-re-scuro is "the use of strong contrasts between light and dark, usually bold contrasts affecting a whole composition." Yoga is all about the contrasts effecting the whole. Can yoube grounded in a pose but flow, as well? Can you be steady and soft? Can you embrace the easy and hard aspects of a pose at the same time? Can you focus but also let go? of reeds and she closes her eyes. Unsure if the thoughts in her head belong to her or the mulch of earth, leaf and light. That last part of the poem is totally svasana, corpse pose. We close our eyes, 'unsure if the thoughts in our head belong us or from elsewhere.'  I was flipping through stations on the radio and came across this rather upbeat song about being happy. I decided to linger there and listen. And then came the line "Clap along if you know what happiness is to you." Right away, I know this was a yoga theme we were going to rock out to! Because here's my first thought....most people do not know what truly makes them happy. And those that do, or those that are able to give you answer, don't set aside time to do those things. Why? Maybe because it may seem selfish, maybe because we are "supposed" to be productive with our time. I have always wanted to take a nap in my backyard on a windy sun-filled day wrapped up in a warm blanket. I have never done that but I love warmth and wind and naps! I guess I thought the neighbors would think I had finally fallen off the deep edge but, head's up(!), this may be my year!!! That would make me happy:) Here are the lyrics to the song:
"Happy" by Pharrell Williams (I edited out repetition) " It might seem crazy what I’m about to say Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way [Chorus:] Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth Because I’m happy Clap along if you know what happiness is to you Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah, Well, give me all you got, and don’t hold it back, yeah, Well, I should probably warn you I’ll be just fine, yeah, No offense to you, don’t waste your time Here’s why Hey, come on (happy) Bring me down Can't nothing bring me down My level's too high Bring me down Can't nothing bring me down I said (let me tell you now) Bring me down Can't nothing bring me down My level's too high Bring me down Can't nothing bring me down, I said Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth Because I’m happy Clap along if you know what happiness is to you Because I’m happy Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do Come on" So my challenge to you is to make a list of what makes you happy and do one today! Why wait?! Then, keep the list so you can pull it out on a challenging day to remind you of what your heart truly yearns for. Groucho Marx wrote, "Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." That is the power of choice. CHOOSE HAPPINESS! And while you are choosing, note that Oscar Wilde wrote, "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." Choose to be the former rather than the latter!!!  "Their faces showed neither approval or mockery. They were looking at me without any judgment in their eyes at all. There had been a heighted sense of reality in the room. It was like the opposite of being on drugs - too much clarity. It was interesting to think that when judgment fell away what you ended up with was clarity. I had always leaned on judgment to make sense of the world for me. But maybe it wasn't helping maybe it was muddying the waters rather than clearing them.” Poser by Claire Dederer
Tonight's theme is based on a personal experience I have recently been undergoing that many of you have been sharing alongside me in thoughtful concern. This theme is called Judgment. As you may know, about 40 some days ago we rescued a dog from a shelter. For forty days my life has been in turmoil. And on the rare days where I remained calm about the situation, someone else in my family would be having a tumultuous day. This chihuahua terrier was the cutest thing ever and he would make his way into your lap every time you sat down. I believe in a previous life he was a cat as I twice caught him standing on my kitchen table. The way my son worded it was that he loved 80% of the dog but the other 20% were brutal. Mathematically, this may not make sense, but that 20% FAR outweighed the good eighty. At a year and a half, the dog was not house trained. After forty days, the dog was still not completely house trained. My attempts to take him outside every hour didn't seem to matter when nature beckoned. In fact, just yesterday, he lifted his leg on my hallway baseboard. He barked incessantly. He barked at people and dogs outside, he barked when he could merely hear people and dogs outside, he barked at the sound of school busses and trucks, he barked at the whistle my phone made when a text came in until I finally changed the ringtone. Maybe all understandable...but he also barked at nothing. And then he started barking through the night and I do mean through. He was aggressive towards other dogs and certain people. But for forty some days his sweetness with us outweighed this obstacle we felt we could overcome. You might be thinking by now (!), why would we endure this for so long? Here's where the judgment comes in. And I apologize in advance if you fall into this category of people I used to pre-judge and that is I have always held the opinion that people who adopt animals should not return them. Now this is interesting.... Merriam Webster defines judgment as "an opinion or decision that is based on careful thought (which my opinion was not), the act or process of forming an opinion or making a decision after careful thought (which my opinion was not), the act of judging something or someone (which I was doing) and the ability to make good decisions about what should be done (which I wasn't capable of for forty some days due to my aforementioned judgment.) I did not want to fall into THAT category; the category of people who couldn't seem to manage the responsibility of a life they had spoken for. Truly, I just didn't realize how many and how deep the issues could be. Now, I can appreciate that this may not be a very interesting story but here's the lesson and what it has to do with your yoga practice. While you all were asking me how the dog was doing and offering fabulous suggestions, it finally dawned on me that you weren't judging me. I was the only one taking care of that. No one gave me a look of judgment, no one uttered words of judgment. But I did. In my head every minute of every day and I alone was responsible for creating my suffering. Well, the dog helped me out but to him, once he finished peeing on my grandmother's chair he was done and off to play with a toy. He forgot about it. I did not. I carried it with me like the monk who carries a woman across a large puddle so she doesn't get wet. And the other monk with him says after much time has passed, we aren't allowed to touch a woman but you did back there. And the first monk says, I carried her across a puddle but then I set her down. You are still carrying her. I am that second monk. One of my restorative students came to my vinyasa class this week never having tried a vinyasa class; so awesome! I think of this because this person's frustration on the mat at struggling to keep up was all a part of that person's own self judgment. There was no judgment coming from me; I was too excited that they tried. And there wasn't judgment from anyone else because they were all working to maintain their own practices. Hey, if you all want to come to a vinyasa and stay in child's pose the whole time I think that is up to you! It's your practice!!! Maybe you came to your mat with intentions of joining the practice but then realized you didn't feel so well. So you took child's pose and just embraced being in the atmosphere and energy of the amazing yogi's around you. I certainly wouldn't judge that nor should you. So, my lesson for myself to share with all of you is stop the unnecessary judging, especially if you have directed it towards yourself. I did take the dog back today. If that was the wrong decision, my gut would have let me know, but I merely feel relief. My self-judgment was like a sheath that did not allow me to see clearly. In fact, yesterday I put in the wrong contacts and couldn't figure out until the evening why I had been struggling to see. Maybe that was an intentional move on the part of the Universe. So, while I thank you all for not judging my situation, I want you to remember this. A typical yoga mat is typically about 24" by 72". Now picture yourself comfortably spread out on your mat ready to embrace svasana. There isn't a lot of room left over on the mat is there? So, don't share that precious space with self-judgment.  In yesterday's class, I used the following two Mary Oliver poems to incorporate into an expression of our practice on the mat. The first one, The Humpbacks, pertains to our asana practice. It goes like this:
The Humpbacks Listen, whatever it is you try to do with your life, nothing will ever dazzle you like the dreams of your body, its spirit longing to fly while the dead-weight bones toss their dark mane and hurry back into the fields of glittering fire/where everything, even the great whale, throbs with song. When you are exploring movement through the poses on your mat, the spirit becomes dazzled with "the dreams of your body." Often, we do feel the "dead-weight bones" inhibiting us from moving into poses as fluidly as we would like. Maybe they stop us completely from trying a pose. But, Mary Oliver writes, "everything throbs with song" and that includes your heart and your spirit. How do they want to flow on the mat? Neither of them are held back by your physicality; you shouldn't feel held back, either. And the following poem, Sleeping in the Forest, reminded me of svasana. I love the last line, "By morning I had vanished at least a dozen times into something better." Does that not describe corpse pose?! Sleeping In The Forest I thought the earth remembered me, she took me back so tenderly, arranging her dark skirts, her pockets full of lichens and seeds. I slept as never before, a stone on the riverbed, nothing between me and the white fire of the stars but my thoughts, and they floated light as moths among the branches of the perfect trees. All night I heard the small kingdoms breathing around me, the insects, and the birds who do their work in the darkness. All night I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling with a luminous doom. By morning I had vanished at least a dozen times into something better.  Morning Poem By: Mary Oliver
"Every morning the world is created. Under the orange sticks of the sun the heaped ashes of the night turn into leaves again and fasten themselves to the high branches --- and the ponds appear like black cloth on which are painted islands of summer lilies. If it is your nature to be happy you will swim away along the soft trails for hours, your imagination alighting everywhere. And if your spirit carries within it the thorn that is heavier than lead --- if it's all you can do to keep on trudging --- there is still somewhere deep within you a beast shouting that the earth is exactly what it wanted --- each pond with its blazing lilies is a prayer heard and answered lavishly, every morning, whether or not you have ever dared to be happy, whether or not you have ever dared to pray." In the first stanza, Mary writes, "Every morning the world is created." I interpret that as there is always a new day tomorrow. So on any given day, should you fall prey to depression, anger, fatigue, gloominess, etc, know that you can wake up the next day, literally, in a whole new light. But this line doesn't just offer hope when we are having rough days. Your present day may already be happy, amazing, and intriguing; you get to look forward to another day just like it and another after that! She writes if you are in the latter category, happy, your imagination will alight everywhere. I recently offered a theme on curiosity and its importance in your everyday life. Your imagination is like a child wanting to get out of the house to explore...let it! Mary writes that if you fall more into the first category, " And if your spirit carries within it the thorn that is heavier than lead", know that "somewhere deep within you a beast shouting that the earth is exactly what it wanted". That your soul wants to be here, your spirit seeks to learn and evolve. And then the last stanza..." whether or not you have ever dared to be happy, whether or not you have ever dared to pray." I looked up the definition of the word pray because I think it can mean so many different things to various people. Interestingly enough, after listing the religious connotations, it said "yoga is a form of prayer." Practice yoga. Dare to be happy!  This morning, I taught a theme based on Pete Townsend's song A Friend is a Friend. This evening, I am following that up with how Buddha defined the characteristics of a friend and a non-friend as described in the Sigalovada Sutta (The Code of Discipline for Layman):
"Young man, be aware of these four enemies disguised as friends: the taker, the talker, the flatterer, and the reckless companion. "The taker can be identified by four things: by only taking, asking for a lot while giving little, performing duty out of fear, and offering service in order to gain something. "The talker can be identified by four things: by reminding of past generosity, promising future generosity, mouthing empty words of kindness, and protesting personal misfortune when called on to help. "The flatterer can be identified by four things: by supporting both bad and good behavior indiscriminately, praising you to your face, and putting you down behind your back. "The reckless companion can be identified by four things: by accompanying you in drinking, roaming around at night, partying, and gambling." "That is what the Buddha said... "Young man, be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend. "The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested. "The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you. "The mentor can be identified by four things: by restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you ought to know, and showing you the path to heaven. "The compassionate friend can be identified by four things: by not rejoicing in your misfortune, delighting in your good fortune, preventing others from speaking ill of you, and encouraging others who praise your good qualities." "That is what the Buddha said." The chorus to the Townsend song is ' be friendly, befriend me now'. My summation? You do not have to make everyone your friend (even on facebook!). But be friendly to people. I used this quote in this morning's class because sometimes 'non-humans' get this friendly concept more easily! "I have a dream too, but it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. It's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And I found a whole group of friends who have the same dream, and that makes us sort of like a family." --"The Muppet Movie"  Yogi Tony asked me to do a theme based on the Pete Townsend song A Friend is a Friend. The lyrics are as follows (I edited out the repetition):
"When eyes meet in silence A pact can be made A lifelong alliance That won't be betrayed Won't be betrayed Be friendly Befriend me now A friend is a friend Nothing can change that Arguments, squabbles Can't break the contract That each of you makes To the death, to the end Deliver your future, Into the hands of your friend Be friendly Befriend me now A promise is a promise A handshake will seal it No amount of discussion Can ever repeal it Commitment forever To borrow or lend Deliver your future Into the hands of your friend Be friendly Befriend me now" At first glance, it seems to be a song about friendship, but I really feel the importance of the song lays in the two words "be friendly", which is a completely different idea. The reminder to be friendly is a reminder to consciously embrace everyone you encounter with a smile. I guess that is really all you need to do. The two most standout interactions I had yesterday were with two strangers. One was a homeless woman standing on a street corner; I handed her five dollars and we talked about how with the wind and looming possibility of rain made it seem like perfect nap weather. I did hesitate to think where it might be that she would lie down to take a nap. And the second woman stopped me in Home Depot to ask my opinion on lamp shades. I listened to her describe the colors of her walls and we finally both agreed upon the same shade. I am hoping it looks fabulous! Expounding on the 'be friendly' theme, I googled exactly that...be friendly. I was almost appalled at articles that popped up self-defined as 'how to be friendly' or '24 steps to being friendly- pictures included.' Are we so into communicating with our technology that we need to be told the first step to being more friendly is to smile? And then shown a picture of a guy smiling? Let's be clear; being friendly does not mean you are friends with everyone. I am sure there are many people you would not want to befriend and you probably have some 'friends' you wish you weren't friends with! It has more to do with being nice. Simple being nice. Understanding each person you address is a spirit, too, and you cannot begin to understand their human journey. Heck, we have trouble understanding ours much of the time! I like to saunter onto mademethink.com every once in awhile because it will put your day quickly into perspective if you need it. People write in with true accounts of something that made them think. The following is the most recent post as it was posted just yesterday: "Today, I was walking as fast as I could away from a homeless man who was trying to get my attention, until he screamed, “Ma’am, you dropped your wallet!” And I turned around to see him holding it up for me to see. MMT [made me think]" Apr 12, 2014 by andrea I understand our healthy innate trepidation towards strangers and I am so not judging "andrea" ; I bet this happens all the time. And your location may play into your reaction, right? Downtown Detroit versus Florida beach... But an acknowledgement, just a glance, might be a step towards respecting another human's spirit. "I have a dream too, but it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. It's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And I found a whole group of friends who have the same dream, and that makes us sort of like a family." --"The Muppet Movie"  Tara Sophia Mohr sent an email blog yesterday called "The most underestimated Power Source." In this blog, she writes about training to be a life coach and being given a slightly radical homework assignment by her teacher. The teacher asked the students to lay on the floor gazing up at the bottom of their kitchen sinks for fifteen minutes. The purpose of this assignment was to teach, or re-teach, curiosity.
Tara writes that she was at a hotel at the time so she did the assignment in the hotel bathroom (very brave woman!). She writes that she began wondering who made the sink, who installed it, how long the hotel had been around, etc, and it led to some intriguing conversations with hotel staff. My grandfather who died at the age of 100, always touted curiosity. His initials spelled out the word CAR and he used to always say to me and my sister, the C stands for curiosity and the A stands for awareness. We were too "mature", back then, to listen to life lessons so neither of us remembers if R meant anything, but I am guessing it probably did! ('Regret' for not paying attention?!) I went into a new grocery store (new to me) the other day with my son. It was quite a cultural grocery store, if you will, with foods I had never seen before. I kept pointing and saying, what is that?! What is that?!! I felt like Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas when he leaves Halloween Town for the first time and enters Christmas. I found the following on anytimeyoga.com written by Tori: "Yoga also teaches me to be curious when I’m encouraged to safely explore a pose that I think is too hard for me. Being encouraged to be curious, to explore, helps me start to figure out a posture without being invested in actually being able to do it... Were I caught up in actually doing the pose, that number of “failures” would frustrate me, probably to the point of not trying it again — or only trying it with dread (which cannot help my focus or ability). Being curious is like giving myself permission to just try and to enjoy the trying process." Looking at asanas through the eyes of curiosity is a great lesson on the mat. The reason I learned how to do dragonfly in the first place was because I saw a picture of it in a magazine and they called it mystery arm balance instead of dragonfly. And I stared at the picture thinking how did her foot get there?! It was through curiosity that I figured it out. I wonder what pose strikes that element in you? Todd Kashden from experiencelife.com writes, "Curiosity... is all about noticing and being drawn to things we find interesting. It’s about recognizing and seizing the pleasures that novel experiences offer us, and finding novelty and meaning even in experiences that are familiar. When we are curious, we see things differently; we use our powers of observation more fully. We sense what is happening in the present moment, taking note of what is, regardless of what it looked like before or what we might have expected it to be. We feel alive and engaged, more capable of embracing opportunities, making connections, and experiencing moments of insight and meaning — all of which provide the foundation for a rich, aware and satisfying life experience."  Without my contacts on, I am virtually blind. If the numbers mean anything to you, my contact prescription is -9.75. To put this in perspective for those of you with fabulous eyesight, something would need to be one fist away from my face for me to see it clearly. It occurred to me yesterday, in the space of time where I removed my glasses and had yet to put my contacts in, that what I see "au naturale" is not easily describable to others. Even if I were to take a picture, me looking through the camera lens not being able to see much of anything, the camera would take a perfect picture; it would take a picture of what it sees rather than what I see. Compare this idea to how many times you have felt misunderstood by anyone or even everyone. Isn't it funny how often we expect other people to "understand us"? We expect people to see through our eyes when they cannot. Guess what? We can't see through theirs either.
Now think about this. If I were to describe something to you without my contacts on, I would use words like blurry, fuzzy, and lacking in detail. I might only see merging areas of color but is that what whatever I am looking at really looks like? You would look at the same object and say, no, that's not what it looks like at all. And with my contacts on, I would agree with you. The sanskrit word maya means illusion. Isn't everything we see an illusion of our perception? We would all agree, perhaps, the object exists. But your purple is my violet; your gray is my silver. Our descriptions are based on our biases and perceptions. “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”-Buddha Here's another example. I have white countertops in my bathroom. If a clear bottle, such as Visine, were to be sitting on it, I would never see it without my contacts on; it would not even exist. But that would not be truth to you, would it? You would argue, of course it exists, it is right there! But not in my world. Are you starting to understand why no one can truly understand you and you them? Don't take it to sound depressing as it is not. It is just that we are all looking at the world through our personal veils. When we understand all is one and all are one, maya disappears. To feel everything is independent is maya. Do you have one physical body? Hmmm, maybe. But it is made up of millions and billions of individual cells. And if those cells did not operate as one, then they would try to operate alone and via ego thinking they were each It (avidya= ignorance). We would not be able to function that way. Your goal is to learn to put down your biased filters, releasing illusion and ignorance, and acknowledging in your heart we are all part of the same, we are one. “To understand everything is to forgive everything” - Buddha "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us “universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." ~Einstein |
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